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I do not discriminate  
04:19pm 19/02/2009
Well, I've learned that anything is possible, really, I actually felt something for every race, officially now.  I've officially had a girl from every race possible, well, except for the little sub-groups, like Koreans and whatever.  I can honestly say, it was fun as shit.  Once again single, it's time to get my priorities straight.  I got my license back, I'm sending my stuff to Georgia Southern today, and I'm going to find a job soon after I get my car.  After march, things will be busy.  I'm posting all my blogs here now, and just to let you all know, I'm staying single for the long run.  It's more fun this way, why be tied down?  Anywho, those who found me from my most recent Myspace blog, welcome, yeah, this'll be great.  Read all you want here, I've got plenty to tell in the future.  

Just to let you all know, I do not discriminate based on gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation.  I won't judge you, some come as you are, read, and lets be friends.  Add me on myspace, which is www.myspace.com/diinpolkna or Facebook, which I will post to link to in a later post.  Peace, ya'll.

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I am minute, as is my life  
10:37pm 11/08/2008
This year, senior year, is the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life.  Only two weeks now, barely, and I'm already stressing.  I need help, for my mind feels to minute, unobligated to finish this tasks presented to me.  It's driving me insane, but I am counting down the weeks.

35 weeks left, man.
mood: blankblank
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The rise of the corpse  
12:34pm 09/03/2008
The rain stopped as the blood flow came back to his brain.  He rose and smelled the air.  The foul stench of death was around him, and he knew he must quickly run to avoid his death once again.  He saw an opening and he ran as fast as he could.  He sprinted towards the door of his freedom; his legs almost buckled under the intense pressure.  The rotting flesh fell from his body, cleansing him from the disgusting filth that he had wallowed in for so long.  The maggots in his flesh were falling to the ground, making a mess of flesh and blood as they fell with the heaps of himself that removed themselves from his tormented body.  His eyes were hazy, rotting in his skull, but he was nearing the opening.  He ran through the door and found himself in a field.  He was trapped inside of a mausoleum of pain and sickening intentions.  The sin of this place was overwhelming and his body nearly crumbled as he continued to run far away.  The sun bathed his skin, his bones burned and restructured.  His whole body was shifting and moving as the great sea before him was.  He was running towards this sea that he saw in his sights and he almost smiled as he felt the airs of freedom beneath his heels.  He neared the sea and jumped into the salty abyss.  This cleared him of many things as the insects that bore into his body were washed away, as was the remains of his rotting corpse, the sickening human filth that attached to his body.  Leeches, maggots, and worms all fled from this hull of disease as they fled to the surface of the sea.  The corpse smiled, and his body was empty.  All that was left was his consciousness and the feeling that he was missing something more.  He swam to the surface quickly, kicking his phantasmic feet through the water as he triumphed over the waves that he found on the surface.  He looked around to see the coast to which he knew he must make it to.  He swam and swam, panting, sweating, and desiring to feel the land beneath his feet.  He smiled for the first time years and longed to feel the land before him.  He swam and nearly dove onto shore once he reached the land he so desired, and to his surprise, he was not the same corpse he was before.  His rotting flesh was replaced with the finest pale skin given to only the gods.  His bones were stronger than all of the things found in nature.  His will was more powerful than the geniuses and philosophers that roamed the lands.  He was born anew, and the corpse laughed as he observed his new state of being.  He felt complete again, but only in a physical stance.  He looked back at the mausoleum that he had created for himself, the rotting filth that he left to be born again.  He remembered the pain that the mistress that he once called he lover had caused her, and he longed to seek his revenge.  She ran off to be with yet another man, and the corpse could not bear to think of this.  His anger consumed his soul, but the happiness for his own being almost overpowered it.  His strong hate for her overwhelmed him, and he felt that she must be destroyed so that he may once again sleep easily and so that he may once again breathe easily.  Though he is happy, he plans to take action, he ponders a way to place a curse on her very soul.  He plans to damn her to the very hell that she has created for herself, and he smiles as he thinks of her demise.
The corpse walked along the coast and smiled not only at his reborn self, but he also smiled at the thought of the death of the mistress who had destroyed all that he stood for.
mood: cheerfulcheerful
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The mistress and the corpse  
06:25pm 24/02/2008
This may be, by far, my longest blog yet.  I have alot to vent about, and I have a new definition of my everlasting pain...everlasting may be a bit of a dramatic term, but I must say, I am hurting in ways I have never been hurt in a very long time.  You see, I recently have had a very long run in with someone I've been deeply in love with, or so it seemed, and it went astray as of Thursday, February 20 at about 11:26 PM.  I was in love with this girl, and family caused her to forcibly abandon me.  However, I persevered, I waited, and I wanted to wait.  I was in love, and my foolish heart attached to her like two sick dogs stuck together whilst mating.  Creepy sight once you think about it, but my love was real, and it was all together more sickening than I could have imagined myself.  I always manage to love so easily, so it is, really, my own downfall, and my own personal fault to my own pain.  Is it ironic?  Hardly.  I am not the only one to blame for my own house of pain.  She has instilled upon me wounds that can never be treated by the hand of another or by the heart of another woman.  She has done worse than others in the past have done to me, despite the distance between us and our lack of action to express our feelings.  I am a bundle of damaged goods, but it is not my fault.
    I have been alone for some time now, longer than I have imagined.  This whole relationship seemed more like a perverted orgy of lies and deceit.  It seems like the whole time I've been played the fool, tampered with like a curious object that is observed from far away by a material woman, waiting to touch the object, but never bold enough to take action.  I was cast away into the shadows of her heart, and yet she stood aflame in mine, always burning, waiting for her to return.  I took these beatings of my will and the furious blasting of my heart well.  I've cried many a night over a relationship that could closely resemble a rotting corpse under the moonlit sky, with festering maggots searching the flesh for scraps, and the worms that quickly bore through the skin, searching for the organs.  Yet these creatures of the earth could not find my heart, for it had already been torn from me by a mistress of the night.  She managed to rip it from me in my dying hours and since then she's kept her eye of lust over the bodies of other beasts in the field, and she has left my heart to rot with the body it was torn from.  Why would another human treat someone of their own kind so brutally?  In the name of love?  I doubt this wholeheartedly.  She did this to cause me pain that I could never recover from.  She did it because her own intentions were sick and depraved, a disgusting sight to the eyes of men.  However, this temptress managed to revive me, even with my heart still rotted from the core, she brought me to life once again.  She helped me flourish, and I aided her along with her own path.  We were happy again, a sly mistress who's smile was so deceitful that not even the wisest man could see the horror behind the grin, and a corpse who has already seen his years of turmoil and the pain that has caused him to die has caused him to rise.  The whole time we were together it was nothing more than a contradiction, an atrocity to any human living today.  It was a disaster waiting to happen, a train derailed from the tracks.  The same train killed an entire village during a gathering of love.
    She took away my dignity, stripped me of my pride, and left me a mindless pittance of what was once a man.  She was my desire, and in the end she was my downfall.  What she did was more tragic than the time my heart was last broken, and my body thrown astray like a diseased confetti over a crowded street.  She laid waste to my being, and corrupted my values.  She tried to convert me to her own demeanor, and almost succeeded in doing so.  However, the wiser I became the less willing I became.  I broke down eventually, however, and adopted her path.  She had officially made me her robot, her plaything, nothing more than a dummy or a mannequin.  I was used as a display, but I was nothing more than that, for her own intentions lied elsewhere in her confusion.  She sought out other mates, and left me behind, trailing behind another person she had fallen so much for that she had become confused, and no longer needed me.  She abandoned me, cold, feeling worthless, and dying in a winter rain.  Freezing, I stood to shout to the skies so the very gods themselves could hear my cry.  "Why?!" I shouted.  That is the only question on my mind.  Why?  Why did she do this to me?  What did I do to deserve this?  Do I not feel?  Am I not human?  I am nothing more than an animal to her, a dog, a pet.  I was never her lover, or her heart.  That title belongs to someone else offscreen, or so it seems.  She has broken me down, and my walls are no longer the high walls that used to defend me from the outside world.  I only have a fence now that anyone can easily jump.  There are people inside of me guiding my corpse through the world, and yet I do not listen.  I am foolish.
    In my desperation, I cried.  I took it upon myself to take one night to attempt to better myself.  I failed miserably as my misery grew, and I could not stand to continue with what I was doing.  She had destroyed me and everything else that I stood for, and it became apparent to everyone around me.  I am in pain, and I have someone to blame...I can not speak her name, because it will never be the same.  I once was tame, but now it's all the same...

What once was great is now nothing more than a pile of memories shoved into a corner to never be thought about again, until one day, it is swept away and tossed into a bin of rubbish.

My heart shall remain mine, and I will suffer until I breathe again.
mood: coldcold
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Free vibe is the way to be, and happiness is where the heart is  
07:33pm 07/02/2008
At long last, I am letting go of attachments I do not need.  I have my friends and that is all I want.  I want to be the independent, happy Dustin I used to be earlier this year, but I'm dying inside because of what I feel.  I do not wish to feel the way I do, so by Monday, I will not be the same I was for months before.  I am hoping to become the happy one that everyone will remember, even 40 years from now when I'm dead and probably living again as a child somewhere warmer...this world is full of suffering, but I'm learning to roll with the punches.

To those friends who have been with me since the very beginning, I love you dearly.  As brothers, as sisters.

I will always be there for you as you are there for me.

Love, peace, and may you feel the vibe.
mood: happyhappy
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Time to start the resolution  
02:42pm 25/12/2007
Ah, 2008 is coming soon...judgment is coming soon, too.  Not only is it coming for the world as a whole, but it's also coming to me in other forms...

In 2008, I may be moving back to my homeland, but this isn't confirmed yet.  I am here right now, actually, on vacation.  It's nice, I do admit I miss Turkey, but I love the US so much that I'd hate to leave it.  To start off my new year, I'm going to get back into the serious dieting bit.  Going to post everyday on it too.  I also think I may take action on a few things before it's too late.  This holiday season was pretty nice and Yule was fun for us all.  Well, I think it's going to be a good year, regardless of what happens...it's my last year around in any way.  My last year at home...my possible last year in the US...and the last year I'll be happy for awhile, so I'm going to do all I can to change before it's too late.  I think now is the best time to do it, because I know if I wait...I'll only sink that much further into oblivion...and I can't let that happen, not yet.  I'll keep it posted.  This next year is going to be hard and as of December 31st...I pledge that many changes will be made in my life.  I refuse to stay the same...for the future and beyond, I regret and deny my past.  It is over now, and the future will be bright.  Blessed be to ye all who read this, and good luck wherever you go in life.  I seem to still only have one friend on this thing that reads anything, but atleast I have one more year to spend with my friends such as him.  Ah, I can feel this great vibe warming every part of my body...this year is going to be a great year.

I can feel it through my soul, and I know that it must be true.

Look out world, I'm coming out...and I'm going to fix everything that was fucked up in my life.

To my friends and my family, thank you.

To the God above that may or may not exist...the existence of us all is in his or her favor. 

Happy New Year everyone.  Blessed be.
mood: hopefulhopeful
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10:50pm 31/10/2007
Ah, Halloween...my most favorite holiday.  What did I do today?  Well, a whole lot of nothing.  I went on a bit of a scare tactic journey through the jungle like suburbia of this hell I call Greensboro, sporting a blood soaked shirt (yes, blood, not fake) and FAKE blood coming from my mouth and dripping off of my chin, making hacking noises and groaning in pain.  Yes, I played the part of a person infected with rage.  I'm a huge 28 Days/Weeks later fan and I guess that's why I decided to do it.  Well, it was fun, striking fear into the hearts of those people.  It was a laugh, couldn't help but laugh while doing so, making it seem oh so very unrealistic.  Laughing evil zombie-thing, much?  Yeah, I know.  Well, there's other stuff that happened today, but not alot I want to discuss...well...anyway...that was my Halloween, a whole not of nothing, but a few cheap thrills, frights, and some mutual time with myself.  No, not masturbation, perverts. 
mood: boredbored
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Nothing new, besides the page (force to redo)  
04:03pm 30/10/2007
    Ah, so my old blog was deleted.  Damn.  Well, I made a new one, not only to pass the time, but to do something else on the net besides search for pr0n.  Haha, just kidding.  I'm not a pervert.  However, I do search, alot.  It's fun to do that, even though in the end it's pointless.  Anyway, to the point, there isn't alot I can comment on about today, this week, this month, or even this year, 2007.  It has all been...interesting, I guess.  To actually go in depth would require that I have previous knowledge of the people that I'm telling.  And thus far, there is only one friend on my list, and I don't even know if I got his name right.  Damn, I'm too forgetful.  Well, if I feel if there is some pressing manner to which to update this damn thing, I'll do it.  Until then, I'm off to Myspace, aha! (Yes, I'll still use this, smarties.)

Add me if you want.


Peace out.
mood: accomplished
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February 2009  

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